


Heartbreak is Messy

by revasnarenan



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Solas - Fandom, Solavellan - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Post-Game(s), Post-Relationship, Solavellan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 01:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4372136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revasnarenan/pseuds/revasnarenan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhona Lavellan struggles with Solas being gone, set right after the final battle with Corypheus. She discovers his final fresco, and emotions rise to the surface. Varric is there to help. Post-Solavellan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak is Messy

The breeze chilled her skin, and Rhona turned over in the blankets, pulling them up over her head. Even while barely clothed and lying in the softest bed she had ever known, her wounds ached. Corypheus died by her sword five days before, but she still couldn’t get used to the idea. She won. Despite the insurmountable odds, she was alive and victorious.

Naturally she should be ecstatic. All of her immediate problems died with Corypheus. Then why was her pillow tear stained? She had not cried in her sleep since her clan had perished. This sorrow felt out of place.

But when she saw the other half of her bed unoccupied by a certain elven mage, her misery deepened. She hated him for turning her into this moping mess. She hated him for not trusting her. She hated him for disappearing. And she hated him for how much she loved him still.

He left a void that seemed to have its own gravity, pulling her down, draining her energy. She had not left her quarters since they arrived in Skyhold, and for now people assumed she was simply taking time to rest after a difficult battle. And it was partly true, her whole body hurt. But in addition to that, she was tired of being strong. She wanted to be weak for a little bit. Just a little while.

He had not returned, and she… couldn’t bear the thought. Not yet. There was no sign of him, which meant he took special care to remain undetected. She searched the fade, walked his favorite paths, but he remained out of her reach. The gesture felt like he had plunged a dagger through her back, saying, ‘ _You thought I actually loved you? How foolish.’_ She was ready to give him everything, but whatever path he walked now he chose to walk it alone. A part of her wanted to believe that truly, what they had was real. But then why would he go? She knew there was a storm brewing, she long suspected he hadn’t been completely honest with her. But she wished he had trusted her enough to tell her what was wrong.

Since she returned to Skyhold no one disturbed her besides the servants bringing her meals, and she was glad for the peace. She would have to smile for her friends, mask her depression. She didn’t want to worry them with something beyond their control. Plus she couldn’t risk word spreading that she was reduce to this pathetic mess thanks to one apostate.

Rhona pulled back the covers and squinted against the light, the rising sun was peeking through the open balcony doors, and a cold breeze shifted the curtains. Taking a deep breath she sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. This early the great hall was bound to be nearly empty, she could afford a walk without risking an encounter with a visiting noble or a curious soldier.

Goose bumps rose on her skin, she slipped into her clothes before the warmth of the blankets could tempt her to go back to sleep. She descended the stairs, running her hand along the railing as she moved along.

As suspected, the great hall was silent but for servants and guards, and they were too busy to give her more than a respectful greeting. Sometimes she missed the days when she was invisible, when people didn’t salute her or bow to her. It felt nice to see they appreciated her efforts, and still chose to follow her. But she always felt like she was being watched.

As she walked the length of the hall her eyes landed on a particular doorway, and her heart ached at the thought of what lay behind it. It was rare not to find Solas in the rotunda, back before he left. If he wasn’t there, he was often in the library or waiting for her in her quarters. But now only the Creators knew where he was—or maybe not even they did. If they were anything like Mythal, who had abandoned her people, they would be a disappointment.

Knowing full well it was not a good decision, she let her legs carry her through the doorway and into the fresco-lined room. His desk sat in the middle of the room, untouched. His books and research lay in organized piles beside the shard he had been examining. But as she walked closer her eyes were drawn to the newest addition on the wall.

It wasn’t complete, but its implications caused her stomach to drop. It had not been here before they set out. She had walked the rotunda on her way to speak to Cullen, and she would’ve seen it. This… this meant Solas returned to Skyhold after the battle? He stood here, brush in hand, hurriedly designing the final panel. But he ran out of time and fled before he could complete the fresco. She approached, running her fingers along the carefully drawn lines.

The sight shocked her into silence, and all she could do was stand there and imagine Solas rushing to finish his project. This gift to the Inquisition. To her. _What we had was real._

She backed up, bumping into his chair, letting herself sink into it. It still smelled of him, and sitting there, surrounded by everything that was his, she sobbed. Rhona made no sound besides an occasional sniffle, reclining into the soft backrest. She brought her knees up to her chest and hid her face.

_Why am I crying?_ Rhona wiped at her face with her sleeve. _I should be angry. He hurt me. This is his fault_. She wanted to be irrational and angry, to go hit things with her sword until she felt better. But instead she was sobbing in his chair. _Why, why, why, why…_

“Oh… Ronnie…” Varric’s voice brought her out of her thoughts and she wiped at her face quickly as he came closer, “Hey it’s alright. Everyone cries sometimes.”

She smiled sadly, “I just… I don’t know why I even came here.” She glanced at the fresco, “He… he…” the words caught in her throat.

“Come on, let’s go get some air. You’re okay,” he helped her stand and they walked through the door, to the bridge that connected the main building to Cullen’s tower. The brisk morning air chilled her moist cheeks, but it did good to clear her head.

“You wanna talk about it?” Varric leaned against the stone half-wall, concern written on his tan features, “No one below can hear us up here… unless we yell, of course.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, almost hugging herself, “I’m sorry that you had to see that. It was… embarrassing.”

He shook his head, “Don’t apologize for having emotions, anyone would struggle with something like this. You’re just proving you’re an actual _person_ , which is easy to forget when you go around fighting gods and dragons.”

She looked away, and when he saw the lack of response Varric continued, “And people are allowed to struggle with their problems. _You can talk to me_ , Rhona. Speaking your worries out loud sometimes helps solve them, trust me.”

Her resolve melted, “Alright… I just… I miss him.” The words caught in her throat, she took a deep breath. “He could be in trouble right now and I can’t help him. He’s just gone without a trace, and… and I don’t know what I did to drive him away. It’s simply not fair, he didn’t even give me a reason. He just… left. I want to understand, but I can’t, because he’s gone.”

“I see where you’re coming from,” Varric sighed, “It was so sudden. One second it’s like you’re straight out of a romance novel, the next it’s a tragedy. I can’t imagine what reason he could have for leaving, but he isn’t a bad person. It had to be a damn good reason.”

Rhona sighed, “I was a fool. I should’ve seen this coming. I pushed him into a relationship with me while he was still uncertain, he tried to tell me it was a mistake, but I just kept pushing,” she closed her eyes, feeling the tears well up again, “I was convinced that I knew better. That we could be happy… was I wrong?” She sounded bitter but what did it matter, she was bitter. And hurt.

“Now that’s not true, Ronnie. One glance at the two of you simply _standing next to one another_ and any stranger could see how happy you were together. Why Chuckles would throw that away beats me, but don’t blame yourself. Whatever happened, blame his pale ass.”

A weak laugh escaped her, and she had to admit that she felt slightly better. Sure Solas seemed hesitant of the relationship in the beginning, but once things started getting serious he seemed invested. He was in love with her… then in a single instant something changed.

_Tell me you don’t care._

_I’m sorry, I can’t do that._

He still loved her, but he left her. Rhona could clearly remember the torture in his eyes, he didn’t want to push her away. But he did. She tried in vain to understand, but he was just… gone. Like she didn’t even deserve an explanation, after everything…

“Hey you’re crying again, here,” Varric handed her a handkerchief as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. She sat down on the ledge with her back to the stables below, hiding her face beneath the soft cloth.

“I’m a mess,” she sighed, to any onlookers below they were having a simple conversation. No one could tell the Inquisitor was crying over a broken heart.

He took a seat beside her, “That is how love goes. You can survive fighting a dragon or a demon army easier than recovering from a broken heart. But it can be done. It will take time, but right now the coast is clear. Thedas is safe, you can afford to take care of yourself. You sure as hell earned it.”

She took a deep breath, filling her lungs with cold mountain air, letting it clear her thoughts. “Thanks Varric,” she managed a small smile, “I needed this.” It still hurt, but now she realized that maybe it wouldn’t consume her. Maybe it would pass.

“Anytime, your Inquisitorialness. What am I here for if not advice?” he flashed a charming smile.

Rhona shrugged, “You’re alright with a crossbow, maybe I’ll keep you around,” she let her tone turn playful, glad for the distraction from her grim thoughts. Things would turn out alright, she just had to remember she had friends she could trust. She wasn’t alone.

 

 

 


End file.
